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Tomorrow I take the blindfold. I was afraid of the moment, but after what I've seen I will be happy to never use my eyes again. The Blind Path holds no more terror for me. Nothing in this life will scare me ever again. And for that, I thank the Blind.
I knew about the Darkshard, of course. There isn't a follower of the Blind Path who hasn't heard of the creature of nightmare that shows initiates their greatest darkness. No two initiates see the same vision from the Darkshard. Some say they were shown all-engulfing fires or the corpses of their loved ones. The Darkshard attacks some initiates and kills them before anyone can stop it. That doesn't happen frequently, but when you're about to face the Darkshard, it's all you can think about. More often, initiates do not recover to take the blindfold. It's only the ones who retain their sanity that follow the path without hesitation. I wanted to be like them. I am like them.
When I faced the Darkshard, it was in a plain room. The walls were unadorned and there was no one else there but the creature. I didn't think I could move. I just waited for one of its many arms to slash out and sever my neck. But nothing happened. I don't know how long I was in that room, waiting for the creature to settle on some horror to show me. It felt like hours, maybe even a full day. By the time the door opened, my clothes reeked of sweat and my eyes hurt. I don't think I blinked at all in the Darkshard's presence. I don't think I could blink.
Even now, hours after that grueling trial, I feel sick and weak. I can't stop thinking about the Darkshard. Other initiates celebrate their completion of the trial, but I can't. Why didn't it show me horrors untold? Why, when I was prepared to face the most gruesome terrors Oblivion has to offer, did the Darkshard forsake me? Does it not think I am worthy of following the Path? Or is there nothing left to test me with?
No, there is something more here. Any of those answers wouldn't leave me as terrified as the encounter did. I think the horror the Darkshard gave me was the uncertainty. I'll never know what it is I was supposed to have seen or what it thought about showing me. All I'll ever know is the Darkshard's face, its clicking tongue, and those arms which could end me in a flash but didn't. I faced the unknowable. I stared at it and didn't recognize it until just before taking my blindfold.
In an odd way, I'll never have to face the unknown again. The Darkshard gave me a gift. The Blind gave me a gift. I'll walk this path until my feet cannot walk it anymore.